You’re not crazy.
I think it’s important to say that upfront.
Living with a frayed nervous system — for any reason — is hard. And it often doesn’t match the experiences or advice of the people around you. Because it can’t be seen, it’s especially difficult to explain to those who aren’t living inside your body with you.
So how do you know if your nervous system is trying to get your attention? There are five common signs.
I’m going to explain what each one can look like in real life — and then offer a few gentle ways you might support yourself if you recognize yourself in them. These are not prescriptions. They’re invitations.
Sign #1: You feel exhausted, even after rest
What this can look like:
You’re sleeping through the night. You gave yourself a quiet weekend at home — maybe even a full day on the couch. And yet, you don’t feel restored. You don’t feel better. You find yourself saying, “I’m just so tired,” again and again.
What might be happening:
Your body may be stuck in survival mode. When the nervous system is chronically activated, even basic existence requires more energy than you have available. Rest alone doesn’t always create recovery — especially when rest still includes stimulation, decision-making, or emotional labor.
This isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s information.
Ways to gently support yourself:
Instead of pushing for productivity, offer your body regulation.
- Take slow, easy walks and stay in a truly gentle pace (zone one).
- Occasionally focus on your breath: inhale for a count of three, exhale for a count of six.
- Use transitions — after work, before dinner, before bed — to pause in a restorative position. Lying on your back with your legs up the wall for 2–4 minutes is a simple place to start.
- Offer yourself an earlier bedtime if possible. If not, keep your usual bedtime but reduce stimulation beforehand: no screens, no intense conversations, no problem-solving.
- If journaling or meditation works for you, try it. If it doesn’t, reading a comforting book or listening to soft music counts, too.
The goal here isn’t improvement.
It’s safety.
Sign #2: Your heart rate stays elevated and/or your heart rate variability is low
What this can look like:
Your wearables — an Apple Watch, Oura ring, or similar device — may be quietly offering information your body has been trying to share. You might notice that your heart rate stays elevated long after a workout, or that your heart rate variability is trending downward over time. Stress or sleep apps may show that your body spends much of the day in an alert or activated state.
These patterns usually show up over days or weeks, not just one off reading.
What might be happening:
Chronic stress reduces the body’s resilience to everyday life.
Exercise is generally a positive stressor — but it is still a stressor. When your nervous system is already under sustained pressure, your body may struggle to distinguish between the stress of a workout and a true threat. To your nervous system, lifting heavy weights or pushing through intense cardio can feel surprisingly like running from danger.
Even after the stressor has passed, the body may have difficulty recognizing safety and fully decompressing. That’s when heart rate stays elevated and heart rate variability trends lower.
This isn’t a sign that exercise is bad.
It’s a sign that your system may need more balance.
Ways to gently support yourself:
Offer your body more frequent opportunities to return to a parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) state.
- Practice breathwork. Deep inhales paired with long, slow exhalations help stimulate the vagus nerve and signal safety to the body. When breathing is full and unhurried, the nervous system begins to understand that there is no immediate danger.
- Lean into routine. Consistent bedtimes and wake times provide predictability — something a stressed nervous system craves.
- Adjust your movement. If your heart rate remains elevated or your HRV is trending downward, consider temporarily shifting from high-intensity workouts to gentle movement, such as zone one or low zone two walks. This supports regulation without adding additional stress.
- Consider calming supports. Supplements like magnesium glycinate or lemon balm may help promote relaxation for some people. I often add them to warm tea while I’m at work. Magnesium supports neurotransmitter balance, and lemon balm has been shown to reduce feelings of anxiety and encourage a sense of calm.
None of these are requirements.
They’re simply tools — and you get to choose what feels supportive.
A gentle note about wearables (from someone who has absolutely spiraled over numbers):
This data is meant to inform, not alarm. A single reading doesn’t tell a story. Patterns over time do.
Sign #3: You experience heightened irritability or emotional reactivity
What this can look like:
Little things suddenly feel big. An ordinary inconvenience triggers a disproportionately strong reaction. Your kids’ chatter isn’t any louder than usual — but you snap. Unexpected traffic causes your shoulders to tense and your jaw to clench. An innocent comment from your spouse brings you to tears.
You might find yourself thinking, “Why am I reacting like this?”
What might be happening:
Your nervous system has coping strategies that have likely served you well for most of your life. But imagine a rubber band — when it’s stretched tight and released over and over again, eventually the fibers begin to fray.
When your body exists in a state of chronic stress, those coping strategies don’t disappear — they simply lose their effectiveness. Your buffer against everyday stressors becomes very small. When that buffer is gone, even minor demands can feel overwhelming.
This isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a system that’s been stretched too far for too long.
Ways to gently support yourself:
- Seek warmth. Warm beverages, seat warmers in your car, cozy blankets, or sunshine on your skin can help reduce the body’s sympathetic (fight-or-flight) response and encourage a parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) state.
- Seek rhythm. Rhythmic input helps regulate the nervous system. Gentle music with a steady beat, swaying, tapping, drumming, or even rocking can help transition the body from a high-stress state to a calmer one.
- Use grounding rituals. Simple practices that anchor you in the present can be incredibly effective. One option is the 5–4–3–2–1 method: name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Other grounding options include walking barefoot, holding something textured, or engaging in slow, mindful movement.
These practices aren’t meant to stop emotions.
They’re meant to help your body feel safe enough to move through them.
Sign #4: You find yourself constantly seeking external dopamine
What this can look like:
During brief pauses in your day, you reach for your phone and mindlessly scroll — not because you’re interested, but because you want to avoid being alone with your thoughts. Amazon deliveries start showing up more frequently, often from impulse buys you barely remember making. You’re not physically hungry, but you find yourself reaching for the cupcakes in the break room — only to “come back online” with frosting on your eyelashes.
You pour an emotional-support glass of wine the moment you walk in the door, letting it accompany you while you change clothes, shower, or catch up with your family.
None of this feels indulgent.
It feels necessary.
What might be happening:
Your brain is seeking relief, not pleasure — though the two are closely linked in how they feel neurologically.
Both relief and pleasure involve dopamine. But they serve different purposes. Relief offers a slower dopamine response, one that allows your body to stay engaged in the present moment. Pleasure, on the other hand, delivers a faster dopamine hit — acting as a brief distraction from discomfort without addressing it.
When your nervous system is under chronic stress, it will naturally reach for the quickest form of relief available. This isn’t a lack of discipline. It’s a system trying to regulate itself the fastest way it knows how.
Ways to gently support yourself:
- Seek sunlight. Natural light helps stimulate serotonin and endorphin production, both of which support mood and reduce fight-or-flight responses. Even a few minutes outside can make a difference.
- Increase protein intake. It sounds simple, but protein provides essential amino acids needed for serotonin and dopamine production. Supporting your brain chemically can reduce the urgency to seek quick external hits.
- Engage in a hobby you actually enjoy. Creative or hands-on activities — painting, drawing, knitting, building LEGO, gardening — encourage mindfulness and nervous system regulation. Enjoyable engagement can lower heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol, while also interrupting rumination and negative thought loops.
The goal isn’t to remove comfort.
It’s to offer your nervous system more sustainable ways to find it.
Sign #5: You feel “on edge” even during calm moments
What this can look like:
You should feel relaxed — but you don’t.
It’s an easy day at work, yet you feel braced for impact, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your kids are down for a nap, but instead of resting, you start scanning for something productive to do. Stillness feels uncomfortable.
You’re on a much-needed date with your spouse, but your brain won’t slow down. You feel tense and distracted, so you attribute it to worries about the kids with the sitter… or the state of the world… or whatever your mind can grab onto to explain the unease.
But the truth is, nothing is actually wrong in that moment.
Your body just doesn’t believe that calm is safe.
What might be happening:
Your nervous system hasn’t learned how to recognize safety yet.
When stress hormones stay elevated for long periods of time, the body forgets how to fully downshift. Calm doesn’t feel restorative — it feels suspicious. Predictability becomes essential, and any change or pause in routine can register as threat.
Your system isn’t preparing for relaxation.
It’s preparing for danger — even when none is present.
This is why you may feel most “on edge” during moments that should feel peaceful. Your body is used to surviving, not resting.
Ways to gently support yourself:
Favor repetition over intensity.
A dysregulated nervous system doesn’t need more stimulation — it needs predictability. Repetition creates safety. Boring, familiar routines tell your body: nothing bad is about to happen.
Try:
- Daily micro-habits.
Small rituals done the same way each day can be incredibly grounding. For me, it’s a warm drink I’ve named Rise & Restore — every morning, before breakfast and before coffee. My body now expects it. That familiarity alone is regulating.
- Consistent “bookends” to your day.
Waking up and going to bed at roughly the same times, using the same wind-down cues (dim lights, soft music, reading), and repeating simple routines helps your nervous system learn that rest follows effort.
- Permission to be still without productivity.
If stillness feels uncomfortable, start small. Two minutes. Then four. Let your body learn that nothing bad happens when you stop moving.
Regulation isn’t about forcing yourself to relax.
It’s about teaching your body that it’s finally allowed to.
A Gentle Closing
If you recognized yourself in one – or several – of these signs, please hear this:
You are not failing. You are not weak. You are most certainly not broken.
None of these signs are diagnostic criteria. They are not checklists. You do not need to experience all five of them for your nervous system to need support. Even one can be enough to signal that your body has been working overtime, doing its very best to keep you safe.
These signs are not flaws. They are adaptations.
They are the only language your nervous system can use when it has been asked to carry too much for too long – often quietly, without acknowledgement.
And here’s the most important part: Support does not require an overhaul of your life.
It doesn’t demand discipline, restriction, or forcing yourself to “just do better.” Regulation is not about fixing yourself. It’s about meeting yourself where you are – with curiosity instead of judgment.
You don’t need to try every tool listed here. You don’t need to “get it right.” You don’t need to move faster or do more than your body is ready for.
Choose just one thing that feels neutral or kind. One small shift. One moment of listening. That’s how trust within your body is learned.
In the posts that follow, I’ll continue sharing what nervous system regulation has looked like in my own life – what has helped, what hasn’t, and how I’m still learning to care for the nervous system I was given, rather than continuing to wish for a different one.
If you’re here because something in you is tired of white-knuckling your way through life... if you’re curious about what it might feel like to live with a little more ease.... If your nervous system feels more like a tottering toddler than an Olympic sprinter....
You’re in the right place.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
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